“Give up defining yourself - to yourself or to others. You won't die. You will come to life. And don't be concerned with how others define you. When they define you, they are limiting themselves, so it's their problem. Whenever you interact with people, don't be there primarily as a function or a role, but as the field of conscious Presence. You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.”
― Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose
The problem with "defining" is a polarity problem! It is a failure to recognize that someone is being defined without an awareness of a spiritual dimension. If the polarity is recognized a more authentic portrait can be drawn.